30 things to do before 30

I’m turning 30 in 3 months, and I feel so mixed about it. On one hand, I’m a little scared. It feels like the start of actually“getting old”, but I also know 30 is still so young. I think once I turn 30, and inevitably feel the same, that fear will go away. But it’s hard not to feel a little stressed at getting older and still feeling so behind, turning the page to a new decade, and wondering what’s in store. I don’t know if scared or nervous are even the right word, it feels so hard to encapsulate. I know aging is a blessing, and age also doesn’t matter at all, like if we didn’t celebrate birthdays I wouldn’t even know I’m turning 30. It’s pretty arbitrary, but I think theres also a sense of existential dread in thinking about getting older. I think about all I still want to do, on having kids one day but still not feeling ready, all the goals I still want to meet, and it feels like time is closing in on me.

On the other hand, I feel really at peace knowing that I’ll just keep feeling more confident, more sure of myself, and even less people please-y with age. They say your brain doesn’t fully develop until 25, which in my experience has been 100% true. The final 5 years of my 20s have brought me a lot of wisdom. I gained a lot of confidence I didn’t know I was missing. It’s like I woke up one day and what people thought of me didn’t matter as much. No one can make me question who I am anymore. My 20’s gave me the gift of knowing myself better, and despite being a little nervous to turn 30, I’m also excited to see the wisdom it brings me. And I know that truly there is no age too old to accomplish a goal or do something you feel is meant for you, everything happens when it’s meant to.

Another thing I’m also feeling, in this big soup of good and bad, is a little behind. I’ve always felt behind — seeing other peoples achievements in careers they love and have worked hard for, or big life events taking place. I feel rather directionless, like I know what I want to be doing but can’t quite reach out and grab it. I don’t have a large savings account, I haven’t invested, I quit my job this past year and still don’t feel like I’ve come fully into what I want to do. To be frank, I just don’t feel successful. I know I’m not where I thought I would be by 30, but at the same, time I really don’t know where I thought that would be. It’s like I know I haven’t made it, but I don’t even know where it is. I often think of Sylvia Plath’s fig tree:

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

— Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

That quote is so hauntingly relatable. Like waiting to find my path means it’s slipping away, spoiling right before my very eyes. With every passing year, I feel like I’m running out of time. Frozen by the possibility of all the futures I could have, but unable to commit to one. But then I think of all the people starting businesses at 50, 60, 70+. I think of people starting new careers, and new hobbies, taking classes for new degrees, or travelling the world in decades of their life far beyond where I am. And then, I feel silly for feeling like 30 is “too late”.

All of this got me thinking about what I actually want to do or be by the time I turn 30. Not big major milestones, but little shifts I want to make within myself. Things I hope to start prioritizing more. Hobbies I wanted to try but haven’t yet.

Many of the lists I looked up had great things to do, but they were all so extreme, and just not doable for me — filled with things like travel to every continent, travel to 30 different countries, climb a mountain, skydive, run a marathon etc. Some of these aren’t doable personally, and others just do not appeal. I have no desire to run a marathon or skydive, those things just do not matter to me, so I wanted to make a more attainable list of things that feel personally significant in some way.

Of course it feels fitting to do a list of 30 things to do before 30, but many of these are also things I want to continue to learn and develop into my 30s.

1. print out photos and make a physical scrapbook

2. try needlepoint

3. complete an oil painting

4. re-start a hobby I loved as a child (for me: Ballet. I miss it so much)

5. go to a movie alone

6. eat at a restaurant alone

7. create a financial plan

8. start learning to sew

9. go through my phone photos and apps and clear out junk

10. bake sourdough PROPERLY (it’s harder than it seems to make the perfect loaf)

11. manifest what I hope my 30s will look like

12. spend a night away alone

13. really focus on my diet and nourishing my body

14. make a regular workout routine I can stick to

15. stretch every day for the next 3 months

16. read 5 literature classics. My picks: East of Eden, Wuthering Heights, The Illiad (for an ancient classic), The Brothers Karamazov, and Perfume.

17. take a writing course

18. start new youtube content — this is a personal career one for me, but you could think of a personal goal that fits your career

19. cook a new meal from a cookbook

20. find my perfect makeup routine of good products I love, clear out all the rest!

21. master this list of things you should know how to cook by 30 (thankfully I’ve already checked off quite a few!)

22. look after my skin properly — I’ve started tretinoin, still on the hunt for my favourite holy grail SPF.

23. learn to hand wash clothes properly

24. organize my house and clear things out, but be ruthless. only keeping what I truly love and want to own forever.

25. invest in a good set of tools, and sewing machine & sewing kit

26. write a short story just for myself

27. go on a long walk in the woods alone

28. perfect my at home coffee recipe — ultimately with a fancy expresso machine instead of nespresso pods

29. make a weekly self care ritual I’ll stick to

30. Be who I want to be

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I also wanted to write a few journal prompts for self reflection that you can do anytime, but are especially perfect when coming up on a milestone birthday.

• what are your favourite things you’ve ever done?

• What little things add joy to your days? How can you incorporate these things into more of your days?
  Think of small things, like when these little things happen it’s a good day. Not major things like a vacation or celebration, but little things like maybe your coffee turns out perfectly, you ran into a friend while you were out, etc.

• what do you love about yourself?

• what are the most important things the last 30 years taught you?

• Write a message to your younger self.

• What is the ideal version of your life?
  think of every aspect, your relationship, friends, social life, career, how you feel about yourself, etc. Go in depth, but be somewhat realistic — like not “win the lottery, become a millionaire”

• what would I have to change right now to get closer to my ideal life?
  Add on to the previous point and be honest with yourself. Maybe your social life doesn’t look how you’d like it to, but you often say no to plans or don’t put yourself in situations where you could meet new people. Or your career isn’t progressing how you want but you don’t ask how you can take on more responsibility at work or advocate for yourself on why you deserve more.
  

• think of where you want to be in life — what does that person’s daily routine look like?
  With this one think more day to day, like does this ideal version of you get up early every day? How often do they workout? Do they prioritize work, or social life? What matters most to them on a daily basis?

• What are things you are ready to release and let go of?

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What would be on your list? Or, what are things you think everyone should do or try out at any age?

Love, K